I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
