Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
