His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
