My sheets look like a crime scene.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
