According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
