Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my being single is dangerous.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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