but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
