i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
