my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think my moral compass just broke
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
