careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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