Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Too much gin, very little bucket
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My bed smells like the plague
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
