I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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