Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
