I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
