I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
