sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize