is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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