i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You need a sexual gate keeper
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
