Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
