ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
