I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
