I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
