i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We don't watch enough power rangers
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
