Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
