she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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