ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
