Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
