bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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