I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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