you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
