Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
