i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
