update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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