Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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