don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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