how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
