She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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