Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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