Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
BRING THE BAGELS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
