i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
