I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
