I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Text me some of your sweat
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
