dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
