well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
