Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
