I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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