I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
