...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hippo gnu deer
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
