Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
