Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
