so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
