So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You don't make any sense
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