so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
