i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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