I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
