he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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