So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
