he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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