Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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