And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
