i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
