This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
