Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
