No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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