To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
