apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
