she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
