i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
