i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
