any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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